I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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