Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
