Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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