he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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