so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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