I will die if light touches me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
