I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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