there's paper in my vomit.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
