Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
