If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
