it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Even the bartender felt bad for me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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