It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
