You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
