well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
