you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
