I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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