im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
