I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
