are you still at the devil's house?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
