I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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