There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
