why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
