hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
