im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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