You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
