I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
