I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
