Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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