Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
