the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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