so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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