I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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