$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
