The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
