so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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