No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we're making bets on your personal life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
