Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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