How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
