ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
