i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
