Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
