I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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