I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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