What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
