Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
