Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
