Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
