I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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