remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
