I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
