A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
