I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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